lakwatsa atbp

On my way to AIM last Thursday I saw this sign along EDSA-Ayala interchange. With red letters against a white background, it reads: 

 Likuan U

(Lee Kuan Yew) 

And then just below this was the official MMDA green sign, which reads:

U-turn slot

It took me awhile to get it.  And when I finally got it, I had to bite my finger to stop myself from laughing loud and hard inside the FX taxi. I heard my brain say, quite displeased over my slow grasping ability, “Finally! So ngayon alam mo na ang Tagalog ng U-turn? Pati ang tamang pronunciation?” 

The person who did that sign clearly has an acid wit and now has a place in Bubble Gang kingdom where Bitoy is king. Si Bayani Fernando kaya? Naaa…I doubt it, hindi pink iyong sign board eh. :-) 

“…And all knowledge is vain save when there is work,

And all work is empty save when there is love,

And when you work with love you bind yourself to yourself,

and to one another and to God.

And what is it to work with love?

It is to weave the cloth with threads drawn from your heart,

even as if your beloved were to wear that cloth.

It is to build a house with affection,

even as if your beloved were to dwell in that house…” 

- Kahlil Gibran on Work

During one of my drum lessons, my instructor commented: 

“Eloy, tama iyong beat and rhythm ng tinutugtog mo. Nasa tiempo ka, pero parang may mali pa rin, parang may kulang.”

He asked me to play again, but he still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with my playing. So he went out of the room and listened to my drum playing from outside. When he came back the first thing he asked was, “Eloy, may boyfriend ka ba ngayon?”

And I was like, huh?

“May minamahal ka ba ngayon?”

“Wala.” I brusquely replied, obviously pissed that he was intruding into my (non-existent) love life.

“Kaya naman pala.” 

And I was like, huh? again.

He continued, “Kami ng mga kaibigan ko, we treat our drums as if they were our wives.”

“Pinapalo ninyo mga asawa ninyo?” He pretended not to hear that, buti na lang.   

“Minamahal namin ang mga drums namin. Tumutugtog kami na para bang kaharap namin ang mga asawa namin. We make love with our drums. (He meant that in a figurative way, of course, you dirty mind, you!)

And that day’s drum lessons ended there, with a lesson on love. And he even told me to only go back to the class when I already have a boyfriend. I silently protested, “pre-req ba yon para matutong tumutog ng drums?!?!!”

Anyway, I guess when I work with or without love, it also reflects on my outputs. Thus, after that realization I make it a point to get only projects that I really like or to put it more profoundly I only choose projects that are aligned with my mission and personal values. This ensures that I will enjoy the work and do with it enthusiasm; that I will not have to drag my feet every time I need to work on a project.

Which is why I do not understand people who constantly complain about their work. I fervently believe that everyone has the power to choose, and if they are stuck with a job they hate, that is their choice. They have no reason or right to gripe.

Who was it that said, “Choose a job you love to do and you won’t have to work a day in your life”? I most definitely believe in that.

I’d better go back to writing that training module. Happy Labour Day to all!

 …at gutom sa pang-unawa — wika ni pareng Kahlil Gibran.

“Much of your pain is self-chosen.

It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.

Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility…”

While I was reading an article about Borobudur in Indonesia (our next travel destination, hopefully to be accomplished before the year ends), I saw this line:

In Borobudur, “all the Buddha statues appear similar, but there is a subtle difference between them in the mudra or the position of the hands.”

I excitedly grabbed my mobile phone and texted my friend Jeng who is fond of calling me mudra (gay lingo for mother), even though I am just three years older than her.

“Alam mo ba na ang ibig sabihin ng mudra ay Buddha’s hand positions?”

She replied, “Ah talaga? Akalain mo yun, akala ko eh jeprox na mother lang, hehe. Napakasignificant pala!”

Then I opened another tab on my monitor to read the specs and features of Canon EOS 450D, ang pangarap kong camera. A question suddenly popped into my head so I again grabbed my phone and texted another friend, Mags. 

“Ipinangalan ba ang canon eos dslr cameras kay Eos, goddess of rebirth? Hmmm.”

I first learned about Eos from her when she greeted me “Happy Eoster” last Easter. She texted back, “D same way nike shoes r named after the goddess of victory?”

Not exactly the reply I was hoping for, hehe.  But anyway, isn’t it great when we find out that a word, what we originally thought of as an invention of gay people (love them!) has a significant meaning in another religion? Or when we are jolted by the idea that a modern thing may have been named after a Greek mythology goddess to demonstrate the spot it wants to take in the world? (sa lenggwahe ng aking mga AIM professors, strategic market positioning). Canon may have named its DSLR cameras after Eos to show that it is the most successful in putting the critical features of the traditional film-based cameras into DSLR cameras. Thus, some sort of a rebirth for the old film camera?

I guess, this is the same energized feeling we get when we discover new stuff about ourselves. When we discover the new and deeper meaning of the words love and life. When we grasp the connection among the different events in our lives and we are shown a better picture of why we are what we are, why we have taken such decisions in the past. When we recognize our spot, our mission in this world.

There is a fresh understanding of ourselves and of the world, and we are at ease, nah, joyful with such a discovery. Within our most secret self, we are reborn. Eos would be very happy.  

We reached Nongkhai Train Station at pass five in the afternoon, after more than an hour of queuing up in the Thailand immigration under the scorching heat of the sun. (Argh!! All those skin treatments put to waste!) The immigration people just wanted to take their time. They were insensitive enough to still groove to their favorite Thai pop songs while more than a hundred people waited outside the air-conditioned office for their passports to be stamped. 

When we boarded the train, our spirits lifted up again when we saw that we could take a shower inside the train. We took a quick shower inside the train’s claustrophobic and flooded shower room and then hurriedly bought dinner from a nearby cafeteria before the train leaves at 6:20 PM. We had an early dinner. I had pad thai again, I think my fourth pad thai in a week. (When in Thailand, eat what the Thais eat, right?)

After a quick dinner and kwentuhan, we immediately said our ‘good nights’ at 7:30 in the evening and then slumped into our individual beds. After we turned off the lights, I hurriedly shoved my earphones into my ears and let those Rico Blanco songs permanently damage my hearing. I think it was an attempt to not hear myself think. For the past few weeks, I hardly got to think about anything else except work, which is good, I think. My inner conversations were very administrative, “Will our resource speakers get to the venue on time? How many metacards do we need for the workshops? What colour? Ano kaya gagawin namin para hindi kami tulugan ng participants?

So for a minute there, having this time alone almost scared the hell out of me. There was something that has been knocking at the back of my head for the past few weeks. But it was something that I refused to muse on because I know the answers to that long-standing uncertainty would only depress me. And it did.

I spent the next few hours just staring outside the window. Looking at the fleeting images, I wished my feelings towards a person would also pass rapidly and leave me by the time we reach Bangkok. The pain and confusion were unbearable, paralyzing even.

We reached Bangkok at around 7:30 in the morning the next day. After the 13-hour journey, my feelings were still as strong as the steel that brought us back to Thailand’s capital. But what to do with it is something that I still need to mull over.

I think I need to board that bus to Bicol.  

“There is a popular saying in anthropology, ‘One must immerse in an unfamiliar world in order to understand one’s own.’”

– From the movie “The Nanny Diaries” 

One of the things my travel buddies and I agreed to accomplish in Vientiane was to watch the sunrise along Mekong River. Unfortunately, the sky was cloudy on the two days that we woke up very early in the morning to accomplish this. On the second day when we again failed to see the sunrise, we decided to just walk around the city. We chanced upon a young monk sitting alone in the backyard of Inpeng Temple. His name was Khang Pian, a 22-year old monk. We first asked him if it was okay to take a photo of him, he said yes. When we sensed that he was open to have a chat with us, we immediately bombarded him with questions about Buddhism and monks that has been waiting to be asked for the past several days.

Why did you decide to be a monk? How long have you been a monk? Do you have to be a monk forever? What does a monk do, exactly? 

What do you do when you wake up in the morning? Do you have TV inside the temple? Do you eat meat? (Yes, he does, not all monks are vegetarian pala.) Is Buddha a girl or a guy? (Do you pray to Buddha?

Do you study in a regular school or just inside the temple? Do you wear your orange robe to school or do you wear ordinary clothes?  Why do you wear orange robe? Why not pink? (kidding, we did not ask this last question.)

These were questions that were asked of him (sometimes even simultaneously) and to which he sincerely and patiently answered. He did not get tired of answering our questions, no matter how stupid the queries were. Kami nga ata ang napagod at nagutom sa kakatanong sa kanya. We soon left him alone after our 40-minute chat, as he was about to prepare for school.

The answered questions only meant another set of questions needs to be asked. The answers led to more questions, ika nga. And now that I’m back in Manila with no more orange robe-clad monks roaming around the streets, I need to find the answers from someone or something else. No, I won’t be entering a Buddhist temple and be a Buddhist nun, neither will I be reading that Idiot’s Guide to Religion. But before I go search for the answers, I think I need to know from where the questions were coming, from where the curiosity about Buddhism and other religion lies.

I haven’t been to church in about ten years (hmm, parang narinig ko na ‘tong kantang to ah, guess the title and singer). I stopped participating in Catholic ceremonies a long long time ago,  to the disappointment of my mother, of course. I once read, “Waiting is better than actions I do not believe in” (from Hope for the Flowers). So I waited patiently. I waited for some miraculous event to happen to my life that would explain to me this thing called religion and faith. The answer never came, as expected.

Now, I just realized that the curiosity lies in the assumption that if I try to understand other religions, their doctrines, creed, dogma or what have you, I will get to understand the Catholic religion more and be a better Catholic? And in the process make my mama happy and proud? …Or maybe not.

I guess as I continue to search for the answers, I will just remember Kahlil Gibran’s thoughts on religion and faith – and strive to make my daily life my temple, my religion, and my prayer.

Kahlil Gibran on Religion

Have I spoken this day of aught else?

Is not religion all deeds and all reflection,
And that which is neither deed nor reflection,

but a wonder and a surprise ever springing in the soul,

even while the hands hew the stone or tend the loom?

Who can separate his faith from his actions,

or his belief from his occupations?

Who can spread his hours before him, saying,

“This for God and this for myself;

This for my soul, and this other for my body?”

Oo nga naman, Tita…

WARNING: This entry is all about me, cut and pasted from my Facebook Notes. This is what happens when I wake up at 2 in the morning, have “taken” my sleeping pill (that is, listened to my fave slow Eheads songs) and still couldn’t sleep.

1. Eloisa means “battle maiden” and Eloy (my nickname) means “high” or “chosen” or “god” in Hebrew. Imagine my surprise when I was attending one of those Holy Week masses and then the priest suddenly blurted out, “Eloi Eloi lama sabachthani.” I thought the priest was calling me, I almost stood up and raised my hand; he was actually reading from the Bible one of Jesus’ seven last words – “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

2. I grew up in Taguig and am still living there with my parents, siblings and pamangkins. I had a fun childhood in that place, playing piko, tagu-taguan, patintero, habul-habulan with our neighbors. My favorite game was shiato.

3. We had a huge playground when we were young. I remember there were less than 20 houses in our village then; the rest of the area were vast ricefields where we helped harvest (or more accurately, stole) watermelons and melons during summers, flew kites and played games. The ricefields are beginning to disappear now to make way for housing projects.

4. I used to hate it when carabaos (around 20 of them) paraded to and from the ricefields and passed by our house in the morning (when I was going to school) and in the afternoon (when I was going home from school) and left their smelly pooh-pooh on the road. Now I miss those carabaos.

5. I am a freelance research and training specialist. People and organizations hire me to conduct research projects, facilitate or manage training programs, write management case studies, and develop modules or training manuals. I love my work because I don’t have a boss, na-trauma yata ako sa dati kong boss (joke).

6. I worked for a health NGO (the Institute of Public Health Management) for four years. Everything I know now about research, training, project management, and even how to relate to different kinds of people I learned from this NGO. I would like to use this small space to thank my former boss for all the learnings and my former officemates for sharing the journey with me and for bearing with me and my temper.

7. I am an UPSCAn and I will forever be grateful for the day when the hand of fate brought me to Delaney Hall where I discovered the wonderful world of the UP Student Catholic Action and met the most amazing people in the world.

8. I lived in Catanduanes for 11 months as a teacher-volunteer in Mayngaway National High School. No typhoon passed through that island when we were there. Takot yata sa akin ang bagyo.

9. In 2002, I was so lucky to be given a scholarship to study at the Asian Institute of Management. Studying at this institution opened my mind to the “other” world: the world of business management, entrepreneurship, wealth creation, and even great food at fancy restaurants. I also met some fascinating people during my 18-month study at AIM.

10. I love reading books. When I was in high school, our English teacher Miss Villamanca forced us to read the Nancy Drew Series. Thanks to her, nowadays I get paid to read books and voluminous documents. In my free time, I still read books, especially those written by Paulo Coehlo, my favorite is ”Veronica Decides to Die” (I’ve read it three times!).

11. I love traveling. I am lucky to have a profession that allows me to travel. My work has brought me to many unbelievable places – from Batanes to Guimaras to South Cotabato. I was even sent to Nepal once for a research project, and I got to see the mighty Mount Everest.

12. Although my work allows me to travel for free, I still like spending my hard-earned money on trips rather than on clothes or gadgets. I love visiting historical places and learning about other people’s culture, unlike some people I know who like to go to places like Hong Kong or Singapore or Bangkok just to shop or party. Last year, I was so happy to finally see the thousand-year old temples of Angkor in Cambodia; my long-time dream came true. My other dream destinations: the Great Wall of China, Machu Picchu in Peru, Lhasa in Tibet, and the Kingdom of Bhutan.

13. I don’t like traveling alone, but my work forces me to do that, and I realized it’s not as bad as others think. I went to Boracay alone, I traveled to Nepal alone (my first time to go overseas), went around Bangkok alone, and went to Bicol many times alone. It was not as fun as traveling with another person, but it made me realize a lot of things about myself, and showed me the willingness of people to help a solo traveler.

14. I have asthma. I always hate it when I’ m having asthma attacks because it feels like “drowning in dry land” (quote from Conrado de Quiros).

15. I love doing portraits because I enjoy looking intensely at people’s faces and recreating the lines of their faces on a piece of paper. It’s another way of knowing intimately a person.

16. I have two tattoos: a green Scorpion on my lower back, and my name written in alibata (ancient Filipino script) on my upper right back. I’m still thinking what my third tattoo should be.

17. I just bought a pink laptop, but I am regretting it now because I don’t think my clients would take me seriously if I display my pink laptop during meetings and forums.

18. I learned how to put on make-up and dress properly when I was 28 years old. Super late bloomer. Now, I am lucky to have a friend (my personal Tim Gunn, lab ya!) who untiringly gives me advice on how to dress properly and  honestly tells me when my face looks like crap *(Eloy, ang pangit ng kilay mo, mag-pluck ka nga).

19. I am a huge Eraserheads fan. I went to the Eraserheads reunion concert last year and had a “hangover” from that concert; listening only to their songs everyday for the next couple of months. To get rid of that hangover, I listened to Eraserheads songs for 6 straight hours during one of my trips. I figured, maybe after listening non-stop to all their songs from Ultraelelectromagneticpop to Circus to Cutterpillow to Fruitcake to Natin99 to Carbon Stereoxide, I’d get tired of them eventually and start to listen to other songs. Didn’t work. I still have all E-heads albums in my Walkman phone.

20. My favorite movie of all time is “Christmas in August” (a Korean movie). It’s storyline: girl meets boy, girl falls in love with the boy, and boy dies of unknown illness. Pretty lame storyline but the film was nicely done. I’ve seen it more than 15 times and I cried each time I saw it.

21. I am not exactly the sporty-type of person; I dropped out of my running class in college, and I tried gym for a while but got tired of it eventually. But I believe I am quite adventurous: I have done some scuba diving, mountain climbing, kneeboarding and parasailing. I would love to try paragliding, the hot air balloon ride and bungee jumping.

22. I enjoy long bus rides. I like hearing the different stories of people who come and go during those bus rides. If I do not understand their dialect I still love listening to the tones of people’s voices. This year, I (together with my new-found travel buddy Jeng) will try the long train ride; we will try the 11-hour train ride from Bangkok to Laos.

23. I do not like to constantly change gadgets, unlike some of my friends who change cellphones every four months. I have had my ever-reliable Sony Ericson W800i Walkman Phone for more than four years now. It’s a phone, an organizer, an mp3 player and a digicam rolled into one. Love it sobra.

24. I enjoy walking along seashores. It’s an activity that I prefer doing alone. It calms my mind, rejuvenates my spirit, and reminds me of how great the Creator is. I also enjoy watching the sunset as I walk along the seashore. I’ve seen sunsets from different shorelines in the country but the most beautiful I’ve seen was the one in Catanduanes. If you saw this, you’d wonder how and why the sky changes from orange to red to yellow to blue to violet to black as the sun prepares to rest across the horizon.

25. I was afraid that I might not be able to complete this list since I’ve always thought that there was nothing much to say about me. I’m glad I have completed this.

”Eloy, ikaw ang huling taong inakala naming magpapatattoo!”

This was my friends’ comments when I showed them my scorpio tattoo on my lower back. Well, I told them that I was also the last person in the world who I thought would be crazy enough to get a tattoo. But lo and behold! I got myself a tattoo! When friends asked me why I got a tattoo, here were my responses.

I was just curious about the pain. I wanted to know if getting a tattoo really hurts. At least now I know that it really really hurts!

It was something I’ve always wanted to do but was so scared to try.

Trip lang. Wala akong magawa eh.

Naiingit ako sa mga taong may tattoo.

Para masaya. Ang saya saya!

I gave different responses because honestly I don’t know why I underwent this painful ordeal of getting a tattoo. So I researched why people get tattoos so that the next time my friends ask I can give a more profound answer. Here’s what I found out.

The art of tattooing is a form of permanent body adornment. It has been in the Philippines even before the Spaniards came. It was very prevalent among the tribal communities in Northern Luzon, Central Visayas and Southern Mindanao. When the Spaniards came to the Philippines, they saw the elaborate tattoos of the inhabitants of the Visayan Islands and called them the pintados (the painted ones). According to Carolin Kennedy-Cabrera, men underwent tattooing to mark age, bravery and tribal seniority, while women underwent tattooing to enhance their beauty. Some tribal people believed that “tattoos can have magical powers, thus designs of scorpions, centipedes, snakes, and bats were often repeated.” (Pintados from www.filipinoheritage.com)

There! I got a tattoo to enhance my beauty (naks, parang meron ako nun) and to have magical powers, hehe. I’m off to get my second tattoo. Sama ka?